What I really wanted to say….

I would have to say that I have a very grown-up job. I have had to work on dressing a certain way, conducting myself in a certain manner and coupled with the fact that my job can be somewhat stressful having to deal with challenging characters (translation: fuckwits), I have also had to work on my tact a fair bit over the last few years. Particularly because I tend to say the most inappropriate things, at the most inappropriate times.

So I thought I would share the Top 5 diplomatic things I said at work today, which should win me some sort of medal over and above keeping me employed.

1. “I completely agree that its an important issue & we need to prioritise this against other initiatives.” Translation: In the scheme of things this is a piss-shit issue and you are wasting my time.
2. "He has a capability gap and I am concerned about his level of initiative." Translation: He is a fuckin dumb-ass who is a lazy piece of shit
3. "Wow that's fantastic. Good for you." Translation: I don't give a shit about your lifestory. I just want to end this conversation now.
4. "Sorry I cant stop and chat, Im on my way to another meeting." Translation: Small talk with you is awkward and I just cant be bothered.
5. "He was interesting”. Translation: He was a fuckin nut-job.